the problem is I'm not moving forward at all. it's a groundhog day. same thoughts, same patterns trapped in an endless loop.

always listening to others, taking their word for truth. I'd say “I'm mostly dead wood”, but then again, that's not my thought, it's from Peterson (who might perhaps take it from someone else himself)

where's the joy? I really feel like if I'm not going to do something to find it quick then I'm done. dead. end of my ballad.

waking up every day with this stone on my chest... not for weeks or months, but decades. who'd live like that?

my options are limited. with every minute they shrink in fact.

simple questions: 1. stay or leave? – according to Erickson or Maslow, I should be developing strong relationships now. but, I'm not safe, have no employment or assets. plus, I should be having a strong sense of self before entering relationships. think I skipped that part.

who am I then? what I'm like?