it's just that life became a fucking bore. I know – what I do is a reflection of who I am. my world is my attitude, my unique perspective. I'm creating it.
access to beliefs such as: 1. I can write a book 2. have a family 3. feel positive on a regular basis 4. or start a company and work again on a positive challenge ... is simply inaccessible.
better yet – I can't seem to be excited about anything. can't seem to be interested in anything. I'm flooding myself with information. bombarded by it from every angle.
recently I rewatched Avengers. there was a scene where dr strange tired to foresee every possible outcome of this war with Thanos. they found 1 out of some millions of possibilities being positive, in all the rest – they lost.
but damn, they got a chance. there's a direction that can bring them to victory. I'm looking into my future and I can't seem to find anything positive – that's depression, not being able to see, that it will be better. not having faith.
it's not about money. I have it. it's not about pussy, it's not about good looks, and clothes either. I in the 1%. it doesn't matter what you have.
make your life a work of art. look at all the grandmasters, teachers, fathers. they didn't have shit. they lived on basic means, but whenever they appeared, you could sense their presence. you could sense... courage confidence mastery love, you could feel the love from them
fuck, and I didn't get exposed to such people much. who was my father? whom I admire? who can tell me things I don't know? (btw, things I read, and I think I understand, would fucking mean nothing if I didn't put them into practice or see them from a different angle, as some of the fathers can show me).
so, who's out there who got his shit right? who's authentic?
me.