it's absolutely incredible that I can't appreciate or even notice, that I'm becoming better at things by practice. you might say, oh... but that's such a basic thing! yes, but because I'm trapped in my bullshit for years, I don't even see it. 99.98% of thoughts in my head are repetitive. day after day, same bullshit. so, even though I train, put effort into things and they're naturally come easier in the next iteration – I just think I got lucky.