didn't get up at 4:30.. the moment I looked at the clock was something like 5:40. So, I got up at 6. It was harsh.
I took a cold shower, meditated. Now it's time to plan the day. It's funny I'm always looking for a method. Always looking for something to hold on to. Searching for my identity. I don't know who I am. I know not.
Fact is, the more distracted I am, the worse I feel. But it's a pleasant feeling, hard to describe, but have to be true, otherwise, I wouldn't be addicted to it.
The image of myself, the ego. People are trying to get rid of it, and I'm trying to pick a nice one. Because, it feels like it's the time for me to grow, to move onto something new. But I need fuel, or do I not?
I can raise a sail. Full untamed expression of myself is what I need.
So, as it's 7 am already, I think I begin with the breakfast. But it cannot contain shit. It has to be light and nutritious. I'm thinking too much about the plans. Too much planning, Jesus.
Let's see what I have to do: – either go to pl or not – get a camera (these ideas that came up at night were nice) – haha, when I'll be in Doha, I have to find a lady to spend the night with.. don't want to get a hotel or smth – full expression – clean the room – gym ofc – my apartment ends in September. till that I need to pass 2 exams. look for a new place to live, or stay here if possible. find a job.
so in conclusion, I have no plan for the day. I did what I have to do already. I am here, waiting for an adventure. I want to contribute, to be a part of something bigger. But it's already a lost cause if I think about it. let the chips fall where they may. Let's be here, now.